Shadowhunters Vs Zombies
by Lian4
Summary: Clary and Simon take Jace to a zombie movie.


Shadowhunters VS Zombies

*Of course, I do not own any of these amazing characters*

"Well that was an incredible waste of money." Jace complained as they were walking out of the movie theater.

"How can you say that!?" Simon exclaimed. "The movie got five stars!"

Jace threw him a look. "First of all the name Zombie Princess From Mars should be a big red stop sign saying '_seeing this movie could result in irreparable loss of brain cells_.' Secondly, there are no such things as zombies. We've already told you that. How can one possibly be afraid of a movie about something that doesn't exist?"

Simon could hear Clary choke back a laugh. "But, how do you know they don't exist? Just because you haven't seen one doesn't mean they're not real." Simon shot back.

"In the thousands of years Shadow Hunters have existed there have never been any writings, or drawings, or legends that spoke of them. Therefore there are _NO_ such things as zombies."

"Oh yeah," Simon spluttered. "What about the zombies in New Orleans."

Jace let out a frustrated sigh. "Those weren't real. They were people put in a state of suggestive catatonia by crazy witches using herbs to put them under their control. Zombies aren't real."

"Come on boys," Clary began trying to diffuse the situation. "We need to get back before my mom blows a gasket."

"It's ten o'clock." Simon complained. "She said as long as I didn't leave you alone with Jace, we could stay out until midnight. Besides, I'm hungry and Isabelle said she'd meet us at Taki's."

"Splendid." Jace said darkly taking Clary's hand. "Come on, let's go."

They walked along in silence. Clary could hear the gears turning in Simon's head. _Please shut up, please shut up, please shut up,_ she thought. Jace had been in a mood before they went to the movie, now he was Olympic sulking.

"So," Simon began smiling. "Other than the fact there's no such thing as zombies. How did you like the movie?"

Jace glared at Simon. "There was no dialogue, no plot, no storyline, the effects were horrid, and the music was worse."

"Tell us how you really feel." Simon grumbled.

"I will," Jace said with a huff. "First of all I have NO IDEA why you keep dragging me to movies about things that don't exist. Give me Rachmaninoff and Dickens and I'm a happy Shadowhunter."

"Okay fine," Simon said. "Say there was a huge pack of zombies chasing us, how would you take them out."

"First of all it would never happen because there is no such thing as zombies." Jace began. "But if there were a group of them '_chasing_' us I would spin around, use my sword, and behead them all."

"Ha!" Simon said gleefully. "See you didn't kill them! You cannot kill them by beheading them you can only kill them if you destroy their brains! So when they rushed you they bit you in the leg, you're dead."

Jace growled. "How can they rush us when rotting corpses cannot even walk because the tissue is dead? In addition, if they are dead they do not have any messages being sent down the nerves to move their muscles. Rotting flesh falls apart, it does not move."

"What about World War Z?" Simon said.

"Another movie for the intellectually impaired," Jace spat cutting Simon off mid-sentence.

Simon continued. "Those zombies were super strong, I mean Shadowhunter strong, and they could run faster than you could."

Jace looked at Simon as if he were insane. "What part of zombies…aren't….real….don't you understand?" He said enunciating every word. "Zombies wouldn't be able to run like that. They would fall apart and make a grand mess on the ground, and not turn anyone else to join their happy band of impossibility."

"So what about vampires, if all dead flesh rots, then why don't vampires?" Simon said pointedly.

"They are a special case, and they are still not classified as zombies." Jace grumbled. "Zombies are flesh eating mindless monsters. Vampires are intelligent and they drink blood, they don't eat brains."

"So they could be considered zombies?" Simon shot back.

"By the Angel!" Jace yelled standing in front of Simon. "What is your obsession with the undead anyway?"

"Well I was a vampire." Simon said smugly.

Jace pushed past him. Clary looked up and had not realized that they had already arrived at Taki's. Jace opened the door so that Clary could enter. He followed her into the restaurant and let the door shut on Simon.

"Thanks," Simon murmured angrily pushing the door open.

Isabelle was already waiting for them in their normal booth. Clary was not surprised to see Magnus and Alec there as well. Jace allowed Clary to take the seat by the wall closest to the sugar, because he knew she liked lots of sugar in her coffee. It had become a running joke between them. He offered her a sweet smile; it was something she loved about him. Even if he was in a terrible mood, he was always gentle with her.

When Simon arrived at the table, Jace huffed. "Iz, could you please sit on this side. I don't want to sit next to someone who reeks of idiocy."

Isabelle gave Jace a confused look. "What's going on?"

"Jace and Simon are arguing." Clary said flatly.

"Oh," Isabelle chuckled and moved to the other bench next to Jace.

"We are not arguing." Simon said. "We are simply having an intellectual conversation."

Jace gave Simon a fiery glance. "If that is what you consider intellectual conversation mundane, then maybe we should let the demons take over and call it survival of the fittest."

Magnus chuckled and murmured something like _one point Jace_.

"Wait, what are we talking about?" Alec asked.

"This mundane is adamant that zombies do exist and because we've never encountered any in _a thousand years_ doesn't mean they are not real."

Isabelle laughed. "Of course there's no such thing as zombies. It would be written in the accords and they would probably be considered Downworlders."

"They wouldn't even be Downworlders since they aren't intelligent. They'd be demons and we'd be killing them too." Alec added.

"Therefore the zombie apocalypse would be foiled by Shadowhunters." Simon replied smugly. "I win."

Jace gave Simon and incredulous look. "There are no such things as zombies." He said in unison with Isabelle and Alec.


End file.
